


All the Crazy Things I'd Do For You

by Succubitch, swirlybutt-mcmangocunt (pumpkinqueene)



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Bad Elf Costumes, Cheesy Christmas Rom-Com set up, F/F, Hot MILF Jasper, Lapis is the best frienemy, Peridot has the most shit luck, Peridot's thirst knows no bounds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-11 20:32:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9017320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Succubitch/pseuds/Succubitch, https://archiveofourown.org/users/pumpkinqueene/pseuds/swirlybutt-mcmangocunt
Summary: As if Peridot's luck couldn't get any shittier, she's stuck on elf duty until Christmas Eve and she can't seem to stop making an ass of herself in front of the Hot Mom who keeps coming back.





	1. The Bright Lights

**Author's Note:**

> An unholy Jaspidot Christmas collab between Succubitch and Frosted-Pumpkins. Enjoy you filthy sinners.

“Ugh! Lapis, get back here!” Peridot groaned as she tried to shove her way through the crowded shopping mall. It was 7:30 in the morning on Black Friday and Peridot basically just wanted to die. Technically, there was still 30 shopping days until Christmas Eve, but the Beach City Shopping Plaza was as packed as if it was the night before the big day. The crowds that had gathered to shop were dense and after only a few minutes of begrudgingly following her roommate, they had gotten separated. 

“I can’t believe I got out of bed for this. I need a coffee,” she grumbled as she pulled out her phone. One quick text message that simply said, ‘ _get back here, bitch.'_ , was hopefully enough to suffice. 

Peridot looked around, but still no sign of Lapis. She was a small, slight thing and she didn’t really stand much of a chance of pushing through the mob of frantic shoppers. The crowds had gathered around to admire the mall’s impressive and lavish Christmas displays as they bustled from store to store trying to snatch up whatever price inflated merchandise they were falsely told was ‘a great deal’. What a bunch of idiots. 

All she wanted to do was find a quiet place to sit and wait for Lapis to come and retrieve her. Although, knowing her asshole of a roommate, there would probably be a lost child announcement looking for a “Peridot Grunstein” over the PA system at any moment now. 

She was tired, cranky, and didn’t want to be within 100 miles of this stupid celebration of mob mentality and flagrant hedonism. Mercifully, there was an uncrowded enough spot over by the ugliest Singing Santa display that Peridot had ever had the misfortune of seeing. The monstrosity was easily over 6 feet tall, covered in gaudy, sparkly tinsel, and singing “ _Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer”_ on a hideous loop. No wonder it was almost damn near deserted. 

Peridot parked herself next to it, doing her best to avoid getting run over by the careless nearby shoppers and trying to tune out the awful, Christmas music that buzzed out of it’s crackling speaker. Her phone vibrated back a few moments later, with Lapis politely inquiring with, ‘ _well, where the fuck are you?’_. 

‘ _Over by the ugly singing Santa_ ,’ she hastily typed back, popping her head up to look for her roommate.

‘ _Lol, which one?_ ’ 

 _‘Just come back here you clod!’_ she practically snarled as she sent the message. Just great. Abandoned at the mall by her stupid friend. 

“Peridot! Where the hell are you?” 

She snapped up as she heard her named shouted, taking to her tiptoes to try and see over the mass of shoppers. Finally, she spotted her over by a Planet Smoothie, frantically looking around for her missing friend as she also tried to navigate through to find her.

“Lapis! I’m over here-“ As Peridot tried to make her way to where her roommate was, a large, rushing man carrying a set of heavy bags, knocked into her, sending her sprawling backwards into the mechanical Santa display. 

She collided with the hard exterior with an ‘ _oomph!_ ’ as the wind was knocked out of her and she rolled to the ground.  Peridot could swear that the mall went dead silent as she heard the heavy crash of the the giant Santa colliding with the tile floor.  

With a thousand eyes staring at her, Peridot slowly sat up and rubbed her head. It hurt, but she was probably fine. She spotted her assailant who immediately turned and shoved through the crowd, not even throwing a sorry her way as he ran away from taking responsibility for knocking her over. 

“Oh my god, Peridot! Are you okay?” Lapis ran over and grabbed Peridot, trying to help her to her feet, “What happened?” 

Peridot adjusted her glasses and looked at the ruined Santa display behind her. At least the stupid thing was quiet now. Since she had stood up and appeared to be okay, all the onlookers got bored of rubbernecking and went back to their mindless shopping, no one even bothering to ask if she was alright.

“I’m fine. Some fucker knocked me over and ran away. Let’s just get out of her before-“ 

“Excuse me, miss?” A deep voice came up from behind them, “Are you the ones who broke my Vintage Winter Wonderland Singing Santa?” 

A dark skinned man with a handlebar moustache approached them wearing the trademark red velvet and white fur suit of Santa Claus. And despite the wide, happy grin on his face, Peridot and Lapis could tell he was anything but. 

“I mean, yeah, but it wasn’t my fault! Some guy knocked into me and I fell over.” 

“Well, I don’t see no guy here and someone is going to have to pay for this. This beauty of mine is going to cost you two about $800, you see, to fix all the damages you caused from breaking it.” 

“Eig-Eight hundred dollars! That’s ridiculous!” Peridot blanched as her stomach dropped down to her feet, “we don’t have that kind of money!”

Lapis threw her hands up in the air, “We? I don’t even know this girl.” And immediately turned around and ran away, leaving her friend standing there dumbfounded.

“LAPIS! YOU STUPID CLOD GET BACK HERE AND HELP ME! COWARD!” 

“Well, miss, how are you going to be paying for this?” 

“I-I don’t,” Peridot stammered quietly, “I don’t have that kind of money.” She had about $500 dollars in her account until her paycheck next week, she couldn’t just not eat or pay bills until then. 

“Well, that’s no good.” The man with a menacing smile cocked an eyebrow at her, “But you’re in luck.” 

“…I am?” Peridot looked mildly alarmed as she glanced around hoping to find an opening to escape.

“Oh yes, I would be willing to forget about this little mishap in exchange for your help. You see, starting tomorrow, I will be running Santa’s Christmas Village up until December 24th – you know, kids come to read me their wish list and take some pictures, the usual holiday fare - and it just so happens that we’re short an elf. If you put in five hours every Saturday and Sunday until that day, I’ll consider us even. How about it?”

“What? But I don’t even like kids.” 

“Tough shit. It’s either this, or you pay up. Choice is yours.” 

“I….Ugh. Fine. I’ll help with the stupid Santa thing.”

“Excellent. Call me Mr. Smiley. Now come with me and let’s get you a costume. You start tomorrow.”

 

~*~*~*~*~*~  

 

The bright lights, she could deal with. They weren’t especially ugly, and might even be considered _nice_ under the right circumstances, if Peridot was in a good mood. The smells weren’t bad either; peppermint, chocolate, gingerbread, and even the occasional waft of some mother’s liberally-applied Estée Lauder (or Chanel No.5, or whatever it was that mother’s wore) wasn’t _too_ cloying. And the lack of dirty diapers, vomit, and other Eau D’Enfants was extremely welcome.

She didn’t even mind the costume too much. Once she got over the pointy shoes (which Lapis had nearly given herself a hernia laughing over) and the rubber ears (which had prompted Lapis to remark that she couldn’t see any difference), the whole thing was almost….cute. In the right light. If you squinted after half a bottle of vodka and pretended Alexis Bledel was wearing it. Maybe.

But what Peridot just couldn’t tolerate was the _noise_. She had never really appreciated how loud small, sticky children could be until she was placed in a confined space with at least a dozen at a time, and told to herd them towards “Santa” while they pawed at her and expected her to simultaneously answer each and every blunt question they shouted at her. It was only eleven o’clock, but she was surprised she hadn’t started crying yet. Her masters dissertation had been less stressful than this.

At midday, Santa’s Grotto was due to close for an hour. It was only a short reprieve, but it was something to look forward to. The moment that sign went up (informing children that Santa had “gone to feed the reindeer” and would return soon), Peridot was going peel off the fake ears and dash to the nearest café, to treat herself to an extra-large hot cocoa with whipped cream and sprinkles, and whatever food looked the most delicious, greasy, and unhealthy. She’d need it if she was going to make it through the rest of today.

But her fattening respite was an hour away. For now, she just had to guide the kids to Santa, and do her best to not cause them nightmares and childhood trauma with her twitchy, strained grin and dead eyes.

Finally, at five to twelve, the order was given, and the last rambunctious, snotty six year old scuttled out. Mr Smiley slumped in a grateful, rumpled heap and tugged his false beard down below his chin. His upper lip was shiny with sweat.

“Man, I am _pooped_!” he groaned. When he peeled his hat off his head, his fluffy white wig and sideburns went with it.

“This was _your_ idea!” Peridot hissed, checking over her shoulder to make certain that any small humans couldn’t overhear their exchange. A herd of caterwauling children - who were under the distressing impression that Santa was fighting with his elves - was possibly the last thing Peridot needed to be dealing with right now.

“I didn’t say it was a _bad_ tired,” Mr Smiley protested, “I like kids. This is an _accomplished_ tired. A _satisfied_ tired. A _good_ tired. You might be able to tell the difference someday, if you ever land a date.”

Between Mr Smiley’s booming laughter and Peridot’s nasal screeches of outrage as she tried to choke him with his own beard (all in good fun, of course) there was no wonder neither of them heard the welcoming bells jingle. It was that _voice_ which pierced through the yelling and laughter to strike Peridot at her core and leave her speechless; an occurrence Lapis would be happy to attest was an unfortunate rarity.

“I’m s-sorry, Ma’am, but we’re closed!” Peridot garbled. She was certain that the voice had said something intelligible - possibly even coherent, answerable, and intelligent - but whatever it was, Peridot’s mind was too stuck on its warm, husky cadence to decipher her glitching brainwaves and form some kind of reasonable response. Peridot would take a bath in that voice. She would take that voice out to dinner and pour it expensive champagne. She would make love to that voice. She would-

And Peridot stopped herself there; because a long, dateless year was not an excuse to start anthropomorphising some random woman’s hot voice and fantasising about fucking it.

“Yeah, I know,” came the impatient response (and this time, Peridot was able to tune in, instead of staring vacantly at her increasingly worried boss), “That’s why I’m here. See, my kid’s shy and didn’t want to come see Santa with all these other brats around. So I was wondering if you could see him alone? I’ll pay extra.”

Now, Peridot would reluctantly admit that Mr Smiley may have had an incredibly valid (and depressing) point about her desperately dead love life, but not even she was so pathetic that she would sacrifice a quarter pounder swimming in grease and cheese, and a jumbo hot chocolate with extra cream and sprinkles, to slip into some mom’s good graces (and hopefully her bed, if the voice was as hot as the rest of her)…was she?

“I’m sorry Ma’am, but we’re outside business hours.”

That was the correct response, anyway. But, as Peridot finally untangled her bell ribbon from Mr Smiley’s fur ruff and turned to face the mom with the hot voice- for the first time in the entire conversation- what actually fell out of her mouth was: “I’m sorry M- _Ohhh_ wow. Uhm, OK. Whatever you want. _Anything_ you want. It’s on the house. _Anything_.”

Silence, and then the mom smirked. Peridot clutched Mr. Smiley’s arm to keep herself upright as her knees attempted to give up without her permission, and did her utmost to ignore his pitying expression.

“You want to throw in another “anything” there, or are you good?” he asked dryly.

“Shut up and look at her,” Peridot muttered out of the side of her mouth, “I don’t care if you’re gay. _Look at her_.”

Peridot’s profession thrived on logic, so even as she urged an increasingly disgusted Mr Smiley to stare at the Hot Mom for a sufficient length of time, her mind was scrolling through the options and possibilities like the Star Wars opening theme. Could the hot mom be tragically straight? Possibly. Was Peridot making an ass of herself? Definitely. But who needed pride anyway? Certainly not Peridot. Pride wasn’t going to get her laid.

“I’ll go and get my kid, should I?” Hot Mom said, huffing a laugh through her nose, “Luckily, I left him outside with one of the other workers while I came in to check if the coast was clear.”

And naturally, as she left, Peridot nearly gave herself a crick in the neck by straining to watch her ass as she walked away.

“She’s a bombshell and you’re a sad, _sad_ little lesbian,” Mr Smiley shook his head the moment the door closed.

“Yes,” Peridot agreed, “Yes she is. Yes I am. But she’s an objectively perfect specimen with a big butt who’s squeeze her braless boobs into a tight, white sweater, and she has a voice like Gina Torres having sex on a bed of chocolate, and I don’t think those eyes can be real…or those lips-.”

“Or her boobs,” Mr Smiley suggested.

“No, those are real,” Peridot said dismissively, fixated on the closed door with manic intensity, “I can tell. Any worldly lesbian knows fake boobs a mile off. And fake butts. Hers is also real, incidentally.”

“Right,” Mr Smiley said flatly, “Well, try to rein in your _excitement_ , worldly lesbian. So you don’t terrify her shy kid with your general…you know, _you_.”

Any defence Peridot might have mustered against this accusation would have been decimated by the tight-lipped squeal she hastily (and unsuccessfully) tried to suppress as the bells tinkled above the door.

“Shut up,” she mumbled when Mr Smiley opened his mouth, “And put your beard back on.”

The bells sounded a second time. Peridot adjusted her ears, set her hat at a jaunty angle, checked her teeth in a bauble, popped a few buttons in her shirt (then decided against it and fastened them again; there were kids around, and it wasn’t like her meager bust could compare anyway) then finally moved towards the door with a spring in her step which left her costume jingling along. It was a disturbing experience, but not disturbing enough to slow her to a dejected plod. Little could quell her excitement where Hot Mom was concerned.

“Run interference,” Mr Smiley urged behind her, “My fake glasses are tangled in my sideburns.”

“ _Hurry up_!” Peridot barked over her shoulder.

“Yeah, sure, blame _me_ when _you’re_ the one sniffing your armpits instead of opening the damn door,” Mr Smiley hissed back, “You wanna check your nails are short while you’re there? Just in case the probably-straight mom wants you to finger her in the Macy’s bathroom?”

“I hate you,” Peridot glowered, studiously _not_ looking at her nails as she gripped the doorknob (she’d trimmed them last night anyway). She made sure to slap a hopefully-pleasant, possibly-attractive smile on her face when she pulled the door open with a flourish, intent on being the best damn mall elf ever, to impress Hot Mom with how good she was with kids. Peridot had seen enough of Vidalia’s dating history to know that her best chances lay with getting the kid to like her, even if the most she got out of it was a quick steamy fumble in the back of a minivan. Sure, it was kind of sleazy, but she was thinking _tactically_ here. Lapis would understand. Moral ambiguity was a staple in their friendship.

“Hey,” Hot Mom said from way, _way_ up there, “This is Jaden. Say hi to Santa’s elf, baby.”

“Hi,” a soft voice peeped from somewhere behind Hot Mom. The polite thing for Peridot to do would be replying to the tiny, shy child hiding behind his mother, but that would be like telling her to pay attention to a cupcake when it was standing next to a chocolate brownie fudge cake with caramel sauce, extra whipped cream, and-

“Hi,” Peridot rasped back without looking at him. Hot Mom _actually ducked under the doorframe_ to move further into the room, trailing her kid as he clung to her and did his best to keep out of sight. It wasn’t a terribly difficult task. Her proportions were well in-line with her height, making her both the tallest and most curvaceous woman Peridot had ever seen. But she looked _strong_ too; incredibly so, if the width of her thighs and the breadth of her biceps and shoulders were any indication.

She wasn’t wearing much make-up - just some impressively precise eyeliner and mascara, and a dab of nude lipstick- but she had a pretty, ovular face and striking amber eyes, and a dangerous-looking smile; white teeth between full, dusky lips, spread too wide to be polite as a single, precisely-groomed eyebrow quirked up her forehead mockingly. Her complexion was dark, but her natural hair was a waist-length fall of warm honey.

And Peridot had been staring at her, silent and gormless, for the past few minutes.

“ _Shit_ , you’re tall,” she tittered weakly, “Are you wearing heels?”

“Mama’s six-foot-seven in flats, ‘cause of her hair,” Jaden piped up before Hot Mom could answer. Finally, Peridot looked down (just barely - she was short and this kid seemed to take after his mother) and found big tawny eyes peering out from behind Hot Mom’s thigh.

The thing was, Peridot didn’t like kids. Not _generally_. She didn’t _hate_ them or anything, but she had always considered herself the kind of person who would be a disaster of a mother. Besides, the thought of dirty diapers and baby puke made her nauseous. And it wasn’t like she was any good at socialising with _adults_ , let alone mini humans who cried too easily and always managed to end up filthy regardless of what their parents did to keep them out of mischief.

But this kid was the sweetest little thing Peridot had ever seen, bar none. He had his mother’s eyes, a chubby, dark face, a poof of natural brown curls, and the tiniest hands Peridot had seen since she’d last looked at her own. He was clutching at his mother’s leg like a security blanket and one of her big hands rested on the top of his head as if to reassure him. In true Christmas spirit, Peridot felt her heart grow three sizes in an instant.

“Hello, you must be Jaden,” she said, crouching down to greet him at his level, “I’m Peridot, Santa’s best elf.”

She offered him her hand to shake; and, after a questioning glance at his mother, he pulled his thumb out of his mouth and accepted. Peridot surprised herself by not minding the slobber. Much.

“Peridot?” he said, shuffling out from behind his mother. His face was bright with tentative excitement. “That’s a _gem_! Mama’s name is Jasper. That’s a gem too.”

“Jasper?” Peridot said, as innocently as she could, “That’s a beautiful gem.”

Behind her, Mr Smiley coughed something which sounded suspiciously like “thirsty”.

“I studied Geology as an elective at the University of…of…uh… _The North Pole_! Yeah, the North Pole,” Peridot improvised, “Santa believes every elf has a right to an education.”

“A conscientious employer,” Hot Mom- _Jasper_ snorted, biting her perfect lip with her perfect teeth.

“Yup, he’s the best!” Peridot smiled woodenly, sweating buckets and longing for death. Her attempts to gather her wits resulted in the usual side-effect: babbling. “Jasper is a microcrystalline quartz. It was a favourite of the ancients. Egyptians revered it for its protective qualities- _aaaand_ you’re in like…kindergarten and probably don’t care.”

“I like rocks,” Jaden offered with a tentative, dimpled grin, “My name is Jade with a “nuh” on the end.”

“Wow, you’re right!” Peridot said, “You’re pretty smart for your age, aren’t you? How old are you anyway?”

It was a straight-forward enough question, yet it somehow prompted Jaden to look down at his hands, eyes narrowed with minute concentration and lips moving soundlessly, as he counted off his stubby fingers. Peridot risked a glance at his mother, but Jasper’s indulgent expression was for her son alone; so she looked away, inexplicably, appallingly touched. They were too damn cute, and it was gross.

She had signed on to gawp at a hot mom’s killer rack, not coo over an adorable mother-son relationship. Children were not her preserve, and she was only interested in their mothers if they were sexy, horny, and single. What was wrong with her? She would have to get shit-faced tonight, and surf all the good internet porn she could lay her hands on, before passing out on the carpet as her vibrator buzzed against her thigh until its batteries ran down. It was the only acceptable way to fight these unacceptable feelings.

And Lapis could never know. If she found out- well, Peridot could almost hear her scream-laugh now, and the inevitable remarks about how she’d said _weeks_ ago that Peridot’s bow tie fetish, car magazine subscriptions, and inability to cook anything within the vicinity of edible made her prime dad material.

“Stupid, heteronormative Lapis,” Peridot complained under her breath.

“What?” Jasper asked. Mercifully, Jaden saved the vestigial scraps of Peridot’s dignity by triumphantly holding up his hands, palm out and fingers wide.

“I’m this many!” he said, “Five! Are you smart?”

“Uh, I’m…an engineer by profession,” Peridot said, thrown by the abrupt topic change but doing her best to roll with it. She was sort of boasting, although she couldn’t say why.

Probably-straight moms didn’t really go for the Jillian Holtzmann type of girl- but hey, if Jasper liked nerdy, slightly-manic lesbian engineers, Peridot was her gal. It wouldn’t hurt to throw the bait out there and see if she caught any bites. Or whatever the correct terms were in fishing.

She tried to play it cool, but couldn’t quite stop herself from looking up at Jasper, to see if she was sufficiently impressed by this unequivocal evidence of Peridot’s vast intellect. Predictably, their eyes met. Peridot’s face flamed. She broke contact first, ducking her head- and, as if to compound her awkwardness, the bells on her hat sounded, reminding her that _oh yeah_ , she was wearing rubber ears while making eyes at some kind of…powerlifting MILF, _in_ a festive pre-fab shed, and _next_ to a mall Santa and a five year old child.

“I thought you were an elf,” Jaden said shrewdly.

Thank fuck for this kid.

“She must be in the engineering division at Santa’s workshop,” Jasper concluded as Peridot breathed an audible sigh of relief. Jaden seemed to mull this over for a moment, resting his finger on his chin.

“Hmm….OK!” he said with a decisive nod at Peridot, “Someone’s gotta make the plans for the toys. Good job, champ!”

“Thanks,” Peridot said, smothering a laugh, “Would you like to see Santa now? He’s ready for you.”

At first, Jaden clammed up tight and ducked back behind his mother, shaking his head into her thigh. He was finally coaxed back out- through Mr. Smiley’s persistent cheer and promises of a pizza night with Auntie Amy- and settled into “Santa’s” lap with a shyness which was quick to evaporate.

“-and I want a Flareon plush, and a Thunderbirds Tracy Island Playset,” he was jabbering a handful of minutes later, swinging his legs, “And a Harley Quinn doll, with Poison Ivy too, ‘cause she needs to stay with her lady friend. Could you get _Mama_ a lady friend for Christmas, Santa? I know you’re only for kids, but could you do it anyway and put it on my tab?”

“ _Tab_?” Peridot choked into her hand. Mr. Smiley seemed to be similarly struggling, but by the time Jaden launched into a request for a Princess Tiana dress-up and “a huge colouring box, with markers”, he had managed to rein it in.

“I can’t believe my kid is trying to get _Santa_ to bring me a custom girlfriend because he thinks I can’t get a date on my own,” Jasper grumbled, running a hand through her hair, “I _could_ . I mean, have you _seen_ me? But I have Jaden, and work, and no time for anything else.”

“ _Yeah_ , I’ve seen you,” Peridot said- which had sounded _way_ less lecherous in her head. But it was out there now, so the only thing Peridot could do was damage control. “What about daycare? Or…a babysitter or something? Have you got relatives who would look after him for you?”

“Probably,” Jasper agreed, “He could hang out with Amy - my sister. She’s great with kids. She acts like one herself. He’d probably come back to me with a black eye and an insulin pen though.”

“Uhm…,” Peridot said.

“Or there’s Auntie Iris,” Jasper continued, “She’s not _actually_ his aunt. She’s my boss, but she babysits sometimes.”

“No parents?” Peridot asked.

“Dead,” Jasper shrugged, “No friends, either. I’m not good with people. Too full-on. And I bought a house in a pretty nice part of town, but you know…my neighbours are all white, while _I’m_ …tall, black, single mom, lesbian.”

“Yeah,” Peridot nodded sympathetically, “ _I_ could babysit, if you want.”

Even Mr. Smiley stopped dead, throwing the full force of his most hysterical grin at her as he made pointed slashing motions against his throat. She could almost hear his signature “ _What the_ **_hell_ ** _are you doing?_ ” bouncing around the inside of her skull; possibly partly because she was wondering the exact same thing. Then he caught his false beard with his finger, nearly ripping it off his face, and diverted his full attention to making sure Jaden didn’t catch so much as a hint of hairless jaw underneath the polyester fibres. That took care of _him_. At least now Peridot could address her own blunder without Mr. Smiley distracting her with his completely blatant disapproval.

“W-Well, I mean…I know you don’t _know_ me,” Peridot stammered, feeling more and more like a complete fucking idiot with every word which muddled it way through her lips, “But…we could change that? He seems like a great kid. A-And I’m not saying you should drop him off tomorrow and drive off! But I could get some amazing references, and I’m in full-time employment with a great salary and my apartment is completely up to spec! I could even do an interview if you want! _Fuck_ , I sound too eager. OK, forget I said anything- and maybe spear me with one of those giant candy cane things on your way out please? They’re pretty blunt but you’re _strong_ …like you look like you could stop a truck with that ass- _Ne_ vermind, I’ll do it myself-.”

“Kill her and put _all_ of us out of our misery,” Mr. Smiley suggested thoughtlessly, “Ah no, Jaden, Santa’s only joking! Here, son, have a chocolate reindeer and stop crying-.”

“ _I don’t want Mama to go to prison_!” Jaden howled, accepting the reindeer as tears and snot dribbled down his face. Somehow, he was still adorable- even when he wiped his nose on Mr. Smiley’s beard. It defied logic.

Nonetheless, the situation seemed completely unsalvageable. Jaden was bawling, Mr. Smiley was panicking, Peridot had just humiliated herself in front of the hottest women she’d ever met, and she wasn’t going to be able to make it to the café for her grease burger and liquid diabetes in what remained of her lunch hour. She’d have to settle for food court junk, and pray that the fries didn’t have the taste and consistency of papier-mâché this time. Ketchup could only do so much.

Oh, and Jasper looked _annoyed_.

“Jaden, Mama’s not going to prison,” Jasper said, “And Mama’s not killing the cute elf either. Maybe we should come back another day and let Santa and the elf get their lunch while we go to Donut World and stuff our faces with so many different kinds of donuts, we end up puking rainbow vomit. We can invite Auntie Amy too, if you want.”

“OK,” Jaden sniffled, wiping his nose on the back of his hand, “Thank you for the reindeer, Santa. I’ll come back soon and finish my list, if that’s OK?”

“Of course it is, little man!” Mr. Smiley said, “Come back anytime! We’re here every weekend, up to, and including, Christmas Eve! I’m sorry my little joke upset you. Do you need help getting down?”

“Uhm, I think so,” Jaden said, looking down between his little legs, “Will Peridot be here too?”

“Haha, she’d better be!” Mr Smiley laughed, “Whoopsie daisy, there you go!”

“Thanks, Santa,” Jaden said as his feet touched the ground. He toddled over to his mother, who crouched down with a pack of tissues, mumbled “urgh!” with an exaggerated grimace, and wiped his face clean as he giggled and wriggled.

“Alright, put that in your pocket until we can find a trash can,” Jasper said, “Buck up, kid. You’re having pizza _and_ donuts in the same day. Do you realise how many mom points I’m losing here because I hate seeing you sad?”

“None, ‘cause you’re the best,” Jaden said sagely. He held his hand out, but instead of taking it, his mother scooped him up and set him on her hip like a basket of laundry.

“Good answer!” Jasper laughed, “Come on, let’s go rot your teeth. Say bye to Santa and the cute elf.”

“Bye bye Santa!” Jaden called, “I’ll come back with my list when I’ve had time to refine it.”

“Where do you learn this shit?” Jasper muttered, “Auntie Iris?”

“OK, but make sure it’s colour coordinated and alphabetised,” Mr. Smiley said cheerfully, and promptly quailed at the look on Jasper’s face. Good. It served him right for making Peridot put on this stupid costume in the first place.

“Bye bye, Peridot,” Jaden said, “I like your hat.”

“Thanks!” Peridot said, surprised but pleased, “Bye Jaden!”

Oh right, yeah. Jasper was going to leave, and probably never come back. But who could blame her? She’d been relentlessly, clumsily hit on by the weird elf, and the Santa had made her kid cry. Peridot adjusted the brim of her hat a little, more out of the fidgety need to do something than anything else.

“Everyone says green is my colour,” she added weakly.

“Hmm, they’re right,” Jasper smiled, resting her hand on the door handle, “Bye, _Peridot_.”

And then she was gone. But damn, what an _exit_. What an _ass_. What a-

“You _do_ realize you’re saying all of this out loud, right?” Mr. Smiley said, “Grab me some fries from the food court when you go over there. And a burger. Get the spicy seasoning.”

“She called me _cute_!” Peridot said, still staring at the door, “And I’ll probably never see her again.”

“Only if she’s lucky,” Mr. Smiley snorted.


	2. Stocking Stuffer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Against her better judgement, Jasper returns - probably just to watch Peridot make a bigger mess of herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter of an ongoing collab between Frosted-Pumpkins and Succubitch. Enjoy!

Day two of the disaster job and Peridot was already sick of the Christmas season. Hell, it wasn’t even December yet. It was only a measly two days after Thanksgiving. Knocking over that stupid Singing Santa had been the worst mistake of her life. Peridot vowed that she would never step foot in this mall again after her indentured elf duty was done. 

She was there for the morning shift again at Santa’s Grotto, dressed head to toe in the garish green and red ensemble, dumb hat, and pointy ears.

But today she had a new (awful) addition to her job. 

“Pffft! Haha! Check you out, Peridork. It’s like Christmas threw up all over you.” Lapis was practically peeing her pants from laughter as she berated her roommate.   

Peridot groaned so hard she could practically feel her eyes rolling back into her head. She pinched the bridge of her nose as she stormed over to Lapis, trying to be as subtle as she could to sneak away from the hoards of grabby children waiting in line for their time with Santa. 

_"What are you doing here Lapis? Go home!_ ” she hissed.

“And miss this? Fat chance.” She snapped a picture of Peridot on her phone, narrowly avoiding the lunge for the device that her roommate immediately made for it, “Besides, I’m actually here to do some holiday shopping. I never got what I needed on Black Friday because I ran out of the mall so you could take the fall for the Singing Santa disaster.”

“I hate you _so_ fucking much right now.” 

“Uh, not in front of the kids, Miss Elf.” Lapis smirked and flicked Peridot on the nose.

“Hey! Sad, little lesbian! I’m not paying you to stand around and socialize with your hippy-dippy friends! Well, actually I’m not paying you anything at all. But that’s not the point.” Mr. Smiley called out for her. “We got kids to see. Now march that skinny butt back into the shed, we’re getting started.” 

“ _Sad, little lesbian_? What is _that_ about? I mean, you totally are, but why does he know that?”

Immediately Peridot’s mind jumped to yesterday’s incredibly cringe-worthy meeting of Jasper, the hottest woman she had ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on - oh, and the fact that she was a mom too. _A hot mom_ , her brain helpfully supplied with images of her braless boobs crammed into that tight sweater and the way her hips swayed as she walked away. 

Now, Peridot had done the intelligent thing and not spoken a word of meeting Jasper to Lapis - she knew better. Lapis would have had a simultaneous stroke/orgasm from laughing so hard if Peridot disclosed how much of an ass she made of herself in front of this woman and her young son.

Instead, when she got home, Peridot did the only respectable thing she could have done: quietly slunk off to her room, grabbed her vibrator, and crawled into bed. 

Alone, save for her laptop providing her with some MILF-y masturbation fodder, Peridot fucked herself to thoughts of kissing Jasper’s plush lips, pulling on that long, honey blonde hair, and getting to sink her teeth down onto the thick warmth of her thighs. She came with a low whine, imagining the shuddering, husky cry fantasy-Jasper would make as Peridot ran her tongue through her dripping, wet slit.

The only solace Peridot could find after she performed the shameful deed was that she would probably never see this stunning Amazonian queen ever again. There was no way in hell after the disaster of aggressively hitting on her, and Mr. Smiley making Jaden cry, would Jasper ever set foot in this mall again. Nope! Zero chance of running into her. And just like that her conscience was clean. Mostly. 

“Just...ugh! Go away, Lapis! I have to work. Don’t you have like, I dunno, another friend to abandon when she needs help?” She sneered, pushing her glasses back up the bridge of her nose. 

“Woah, those are some fighting words coming from the shortass looking like a prop reject from the Island of the Misfit Toys.”

“Argh! Just fuck off.” She hissed, sticking her tongue out for emphasis. Peridot was starting to look more like a deranged gremlin than she was a festive elf. 

“ _Whatever_.” Lapis rolled her eyes and walked off to start her holiday shopping.

“ _At least it can’t get worse than that_.” Peridot murmured to herself as stalked her way back into the shed to help Mr. Smiley.

Of course, Peridot quickly realized that, _yes_ , _it could always get worse._ After four and a half hours of handling screaming children, getting sneezed on, having her hair pulled, and accidentally stepping in throw up, Peridot vowed to keep her mouth shut next time. Sure, she tried her best to handle it gracefully, but she was on the verge of having a meltdown. At least Mr. Smiley had been uncharacteristically sympathetic enough to give her a 10 minute break so she could collect herself in the bathroom.

She trudged her way to the public bathrooms just a few stores down from Santa’s Grotto, fully torn between using her meager 10 minutes to clean up or have a quick, cathartic cry in the stall. It was a tough choice. 

Peridot pushed through the door to the restroom and grabbed an ungodly amount of paper towels, vowing to wipe away every last disgusting trace of snot and puke from her uniform. Her saving grace was at least the bathroom was empty.  She locked herself in a stall and did her very best to clean everything off. It wasn’t ideal, but it would get her through the rest of her shift. After what the ugly uniform had been through, a trip through the washing machine might not be enough. Burning it was more congruent with her feelings for the costume, but she had a feeling Mr. Smiley would have strangled her with a string of Christmas lights if she did.

Looking at her cell, she decided she didn’t have enough time for a decent rage cry - not to mention she was still technically in public - so she put the toilet lid down and sat on it. Peridot took a deep breath to calm herself down as her brain raced a mile a minute, trying to force her angry tears from falling by sheer willpower alone. 

_‘Fuck this job, fuck being an elf, fuck the holidays, fuck my stupid ass for knocking that ugly decoration over. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I just want to go home and drink and cry until I have to get up for my_ real _job tomorrow. Nothing good will ever come from this. This might be the worse thing that’s ever happen to me-’_    

Her thoughts were interrupted as the door swung open while footsteps and two familiar voices carried into the restroom. 

“Do you have my list, Mama?” Jaden’s asked his mother in a soft, little voice. 

_Oh shit, oh shit. Jasper is here with Jaden again? What do I do? I look like a mess and I already want to curl up and die. How come today keeps getting worse? What did I do to deserve this?_ Peridot smacked a palm against her face and her whole costume jingled with it. Well, that settled that: there was no chance of her making a quiet getaway. 

“It’s in my pocket, baby, now be a big boy and use the potty. Then we can go see Santa.” Jasper’s rich honey-and-chocolate voice seemed to fill the room and sink right into Peridot’s bones. 

_God, what an incredibly sexy voice she has. And a body to match it too._ Her whole face heated up as she recalled all the dirty fantasies she had last night, curled up with her vibrator, thinking about Jasper’s soft, full lips and breakneck curves. Peridot didn’t know if she was blessed or cursed that she was running into the object of her sordid and incredibly specific fantasies again so soon.

_Cursed_ , she decided. _Definitely cursed._  

“Okay!” Jaden chirped happily, “And we get to see Peridot too, right? The cute elf. You said she was cute, Mama.” 

“I...I did say she was cute.” Jasper confessed as she rustled around in the stall with Jaden, “I don’t know if she’ll be there today though, she might be...engineering more toys back at Santa’s Workshop.” 

Peridot was frozen solid just a few flimsy stalls down. _Oh man, she_ does _think I’m cute. And I think her kid likes me too! Bonus!_ _Now, if I could just sneak out of here quietly and make it back and talk to her again without her ever knowing I overheard this whole thing, I’d be golden._  

“Oh, I wanted to see her again though,” came his dejected sigh, “she made you smile. I saw it.” 

Peridot’s heart was hammering in her chest as she unintentionally eavesdropped on the conversation between Jasper and her young, very observant son. She was nearly jittering off of the toilet seat with some sick combination of fear and excitement. Peridot needed to get the hell out of the bathroom before Jasper realized she had heard everything. How embarrassing would that be for the both of them?

_Just act natural_ , she told herself, trying to discreetly slip out of the stall, only to realize she was wearing a stupid elf costume that jingled with her every movement. So much for _that_ plan. 

To her luck, she had actually managed to reach the exit to the bathroom, fingers wrapped around the handle for the door, before a little voice popped up behind her. 

“You’re supposed to wash your hands after you use the potty, you know,” Jaden chimed in, preventing her from escaping unseen, “Oh! Peridot the elf! It’s you!”

Peridot froze and stiffly turned around, her features stretched into a nervous smile. Behind her, Jaden and Jasper were coming out of the stall. Immediately the two women’s eyes fell upon each other and Peridot could feel her stomach drop to her feet. 

“Oh! Yes! Thank you Jaden, it completely slipped my mind.” She fumbled for the knobs on the sink next to her, still unable to tear her eyes away from all six-foot-seven of Jasper’s delicious curves and piercing amber eyes. She was _incredible._  

“H-Hi Ja-Jasper.” She stuttered, her mouth suddenly dry from a combination of nervousness and sheer _thirst_ for the woman in front of her. 

Jasper’s lips pulled into a crooked smirk as she coolly sized up the little elf in front of her. “Well, well, if it isn’t Peridot. How’d you manage to escape Santa’s workshop?” 

“The elves have unionized,” she quipped, trying to keep in mind the little five year old boy still in the room with them, “we have mandatory breaks and a _lovely_ healthcare package.” 

Jasper’s chuckle was as dark and smooth as velvet as she shifted her weight from one hip to the other, “You’re pretty funny for a scrawny, little elf.” 

“Yep. Cute too.” Was this ugly costume cursed to make her say the dumbest shit in front of Jasper? It certainly felt that way. 

Jasper’s sharp eyes narrowed as her lips stretched into a full smirk, displaying her perfect, white teeth - she looked dangerous, but still, Peridot loved being on the end of her gaze. 

“Do you usually make a habit of hiding out in bathrooms and listening to 5 year olds rat out their moms?” 

“Hey! I was in here first.” She stuck out her tongue as she dried her hands off. “Maybe Jaden deserves _extra_ presents this year for being such an honest, good boy.” 

“I do?” The little boy lit up with glee, hugging at his mother’s leg, “Mama! Peridot says Santa is gonna give me extra presents this year! C’mon, we gotta go see Santa and tell him my list.”

Jasper smiled down at her son, lovingly caressing his poof of curly hair as he tried to pull her towards the exit. They were absolutely precious together. Peridot could tell by the way Jasper looked at Jaden - he was the center of her world and his happiness was the only thing that mattered to her. Peridot felt like a fool for even considering that she had a chance with this woman. She was dedicated to her son. There was no room for her between the two of them.

Peridot was surprised though, when Jaden’s chubby, little hand reached out and pulled at her striped stockings, “Come with us Peridot! We should go together.” 

Bewildered by Jaden’s affectionate behavior towards her - didn’t Jasper say he was shy? - Peridot looked to Jasper for some kind of guidance on what she should do.

“Well, you heard the kid,” Jasper mused as she grabbed at Peridot’s arm and pulled her out the exit, “let’s go.”

The trio walked back out into the mall and towards Santa’s Grotto with Jaden babbling on about getting extra presents for being a good boy this year. Clearly Peridot had now set his expectations up to astronomical heights. 

“So, where might Santa be getting these extra presents, Peridot? You’re making an awful lot of promises to a little boy, you know.” She taunted with one raised perfect eyebrow. 

“I...uh...I’m sure Santa’s best elf will figure something out. Wouldn’t want to see him sad, after all. You’d have no trouble breaking my neck if I made him cry, that’s for sure. Not that you would! You already promised you wouldn’t kill me. Please don’t kill me...okay, I’ll shut up now.” Peridot was thankful that Jasper looked more amused than murderous at her idiotic ramblings. 

Santa’s Grotto was due to shut down for their morning session soon, but when they arrived, there was still a line of whining, fidgeting children with their parents waiting for their turn. Immediately, Jaden clammed up again, running to hide behind his mother’s leg. 

“Mama…” he whined, as he tried to conceal himself, gripping tighter at Jasper’s leggings. 

“It’s okay baby,” Jasper crooned sweetly to him. She picked him up to settle on her hip as he buried his face into the crook of her neck. “There’s nothing to be shy about. If you don’t wanna see Santa today, we can come back another day.” 

“No! I want to see Santa and tell him my list.” He protested, sticking his lower lip out in a pout. Despite his desire to go see what was really just Mr. Smiley in a cheap, polyester costume, he refused to let go of Jasper. 

It was adorable, Peridot found herself thinking before she quickly became disgusted with herself - when had she become such a sap for kids? Or maybe it was just because he was a cute kid with a hot mom? Regardless, she wanted to help. 

“Look, uh - just wait here. Let me go talk to Mr. Sm….I mean Santa! Maybe he can see if he has any room in his schedule after he gets through these kids. Just wait here, I’ll go in and check with him.” She snuck back into the rear entrance of the shed and was immediately confronted by a stressed out Mr. Smiley. Sure, on the surface he was still smiling, but deep down Peridot could tell he was on the verge of a meltdown. But at least it was empty, except for the two of them now. 

“Hey! Did you fall in or something? Where have you been? You’ve been gone for nearly 20 minutes. We have more kids to see. Go put your smile back on and help with the line outside-” 

“Yeah…’bout that...So the extra, super hot mom with the shy kid who you _totally_ made cry yesterday is back. And they want to see you again without the other,” she flippantly waved her hand towards the door, “screaming brats around. So, can you see them again once the little snot-noses clear out? As a reminder: you made him _cry_.” 

“Are you really that damn desperate for a date that you’re trying to get this woman perks with a mall Santa? Seriously? I’m pretty sure this woman is playing you like a sad, little lesbian fiddle.”

“Hey! I was the one who offered and I don’t care if she is playing me because I’d pay good money for a woman like her to just _look at me_. So, fuck my pride; I’m going to let her play with my heart as much as she wants.”

“Wow, that may actually be the most pathetic thing I’ve ever heard. I hope she at least lets you finger her in the parking lot or something after this. She looks like she’s more trouble than she’s worth.”

“And what the fuck do you know? You’re gay!” 

“Eh, that’s fair. Still, we don’t have time to be catering to one woman and her son-” 

“You made him cry.” 

“Fine! Sheesh, let’s clear out the kids and I’ll see the little guy again, okay?” Mr. Smiley relented and Peridot seemed satisfied with the compromise. 

“Wow, thanks.” Peridot ran for the door, “I’ll be back soon!” 

“Wait! You gotta help with the kids-” But Peridot had already slammed the door behind her. 

Outside the festive shed, Jasper stood there patiently with Jaden still clinging with his arms around her neck. Peridot jogged up to them, jingling with every footstep.

“Peridot, you’re back! Can I go in and see Santa?” He wiggled excitedly in his mother’s hold.

She gave him her biggest grin - probably the best effort she put into being an elf in the two entire days she had worked so far. “Of course! Santa says he’ll see you in a little bit; he has to see the other children first, so how about Santa’s best elf buys you both some hot chocolate in the meantime?” 

“Oh, I love hot chocolate! Mama, please can we get some?” 

“Sure, Jaden, we can go get some hot chocolate. The _cute_ elf is offering, after all.” Jasper smiled at her with her lower lip ever-so-slightly sandwiched between those perfect teeth. Peridot could have awkwardly ogled her all day if given the chance. 

“Eh-heh, yes I am...Offering that is.” Her bad habit of nervous laughter started to kick in, “Let’s go to the food court.” 

Peridot dropped them off at a little table at the food court so she could get their drinks.  She waited in line for their hot chocolate and paid, not even minding that it was coming out of her dwindling bank account - if it made a little kid and his gorgeous mom smile, it was worth it, right? The holidays were turning her into a huge (broke) clod, evidently.

She returned to the table with their drinks and handed one each to Jaden and Jasper. “Here you go, but careful, because it’s really hot! I gotta run back, but just hang out here for a little bit and I’ll come get you, okay?” 

“Alright, we’ll wait here. What do you say to Peridot, Jaden?” 

To Peridot’s and Jasper’s surprise, Jaden hopped down from his chair and wrapped his arms around Peridot’s legs, doing his best to give her a hug at his tiny height. “Thank you!” 

“Y-You’re very welcome, Jaden.” She spluttered nervously, not really sure how to react. Gosh, he was a sweet kid though. 

Jasper seemed to soften at the scene in front of her, her lips perked up in a soft smile. “Strange, usually he’s not so chatty and comfortable around strangers. Seems plenty fine with you though.” 

“She’s not a stranger, Mama! She’s Peridot the elf!” He insisted as he sat back down to enjoy his hot chocolate. 

_‘Of course that’s why he likes me, he just thinks I’m an elf…’_ Peridot thought with a sigh. “I’ve got to get back to finish up, so I’ll be back in a little bit.” 

“Sure thing. And thanks again, Peri,” Jasper said as she licked a stray drop of hot chocolate from the tip of her finger and added a sultry wink for good measure. 

_Ohhhhh, my god, how is she that hot? Dammit, Mr. Smiley was right, she’s has got to be playing with my fucking head. Ugh, why is my heart beating so fast?_  

“Okay, sure, I’ll be back later, bye!” Peridot managed to babble out before her nervous laughter kicked in again and she sped off towards Santa’s Grotto.

Inside, Mr. Smiley looked like he wanted to murder her, but luckily he had a little girl on his lap, and after his disaster with Jaden, decided against killing his flakey, desperate elves in front of the small children. Peridot was thankful for the little miracles, truly. 

Fortunately, it didn’t take that much longer to get through the rest of the children and Peridot did her best to make herself useful, hoping that Mr. Smiley wouldn’t sentence her to more manual elf labor. Once everyone had been cleared out and the little shed had quieted down, Mr. Smiley gave her the nod and Peridot ran off back to the food court to collect Jasper and Jaden. 

Peridot found them right where she left them at the table, but now Jaden had busted out his crayons and was scribbling onto his list. He sat in Jasper’s lap as she helped him write out what he wanted. 

“Oh, Peridot! You’re back! I’m making edits to my Christmas list to show Santa.” 

“Well, Santa’s ready to see you now, so let’s go!” Jaden and Jasper followed after Peridot as she led them back to the Grotto. With the crowds gone, they walked right into the front door where Mr. Smiley enthusiastically welcomed them back. 

“Ho ho ho! Welcome back Jaden, are you ready to tell Santa what you want for Christmas?” 

With list in hand, it fortunately took a lot less encouragement to get Jaden to go sit with Santa this time around. Jasper had her phone out trying to capture the magic of seeing her son’s ecstatic smile as he told Santa what he wanted for Christmas. 

“So I still want the Flareon plush and the Harley and Ivy dolls, but can we also add on a Moltres plushie too? I know Peridot said I was a good boy and you would bring me extra presents this year -” 

“She said what now?” 

“But I need to be prudent about what I ask for because I have a really big present I want you to bring for Mama. Please, please, _please_ bring her a lady friend for me! It would make her smile and Mama has the prettiest smile!”

“Jaden, baby, I told you; Santa can’t bring me a girlfriend.” Jasper let out a sigh as she ran a hand through her long hair. “Don’t worry about me, just ask him for what you want.” 

Peridot let out a giggle next to her, “What kind of five year old knows how to use the word ‘prudent’? I gotta admit, he’s pretty adorable. I don’t know too many kids who add just wanting their mom to be happy to their Christmas list. Although, to be fair, I don’t know too many kids.” 

“Are you sure Mama? Well in that case: I really like Pokemon, Santa! And Team Rocket are my favorite characters! Do you know about Team Rocket?” 

“Oh, I think I do, Jaden!” Mr. Smiley chuckled nervously, obviously having little to no idea about it.

“Well, let me tell you a thing…” The little boy sassily held up a hand because this was his time to shine. 

Now Jasper was doing her best to stifle a few laughs as she hid her face behind a perfectly manicured hand. “I’ve got to stop asking Iris to watch him, this is getting ridiculous. Where is he learning this?” 

Jasper and Peridot stood there together in the tiny shack as they waited for Jaden to finish with his list, occasionally trying to hide their giggles at some of his adorable mannerisms and requests. Once Jaden was done, he hopped off Santa’s lap with a happy “goodbye!” as he toddled back over to where his mother was waiting. 

Peridot took it upon herself to escort them back out to the mall because it was the polite thing to do, and not because she wanted to be at eye level with Jasper’s braless boobs for another few, fleeting moments. 

“So uh, I guess this is goodbye?” Peridot fidgeted nervously, rubbing at her arm. Well, this was it. Peridot knew she was just a passing blip in the timeline of Jasper’s life and now it was over. She would never see Jasper or Jaden again. Why would they? She was but a mere grumpy mall elf and Jasper was a gorgeous mom who’s son had completed his Christmas wish list with Santa. They would never cross paths again. Such was fate. 

Jasper bent down to pick up Jaden and settled him on her hip, “Looks like it, we’re all done here for today. Besides, it’s just about time for his nap. Why don’t you say thank you to the cute elf, Jaden? She’s been very helpful to us, hasn’t she?” 

“Bye bye, Peridot! Thank you.” He waved his little hand at her. “We get to see her again, right Mama?”

“I don’t know, sweetie, you finished telling Santa your list, didn’t you?”

“Well...maybe that was only part one! Maybe next week we can come back and I can tell Santa part two!” 

“Uhh, I don’t know about that, tiger. Don’t get greedy. Save some for the other little boys and girls.” Jasper tousled his hair affectionately. 

“I, uhhh, I’ll be here every weekend until Christmas Eve, if you want to -....or you know, um, nevermind.” Why couldn’t she just quit while she was ahead? Jaden liked her and Jasper thought she was cute - couldn’t she just accept that as good enough? 

“Oh? Then maybe we will see you around, _Peridot_.” Her name rolled of Jasper’s tongue like brown sugar and bourbon - the kind of voice she wanted to come home to and undress in bed. It just wasn’t fair that she could be that alluring.

“May-maybe!” she squeaked back. 

“Alright, time to go home Jaden. Buh-bye Peri,” and she turned and left - but not before pursing her perfect lips and blowing Peridot a flirty, little kiss. 

She stood there, stunned into silence and unable to pry her eyes away from Jasper’s swaying hips as she walked away. God, what a beauty, what a woman, what a-

“Holy shit, Peridork, what was _that_ about?” came a voice right behind her ear.  

“Ahhh!! What the fuck, Lapis! Don’t sneak up on me like that!” Peridot stumbled to the floor from the scare. 

“Jeez, aren’t we excitable?” Lapis cocked a hand onto her hip, “So who’s the hot mom you were making goo-goo eyes at? You offer to _stuff her stocking_ or what?”

“Ugh! Fuck off, Lapis, it’s not like that.” Peridot asserted as she scrambled to her feet, “Jasper’s just bringing her son to see Santa, that’s all.” 

“Oh ho, _Jasper_? So you’re on a first name basis with the hot mom who blows you kisses? Damn Peri, I’ve got to admit I’m impressed.” 

“Impressed enough to drop it and never bring it up again?”

She burst into a peal of mocking laughter, “Absolutely not. I will never let you live this down.”

 


End file.
